I was so desperate that, in the name of Love, I tolerated.

I have been to countless dates — other times, hookups. These concepts are not foreign to me but they are, in some way, alienating at the same time. The objectification in online dating apps reveals much of fake imagery and straightforward indecency.

Coming from a Christian background, It sure was not easy to warm around something that didn’t quite sit parallel to your beliefs. But due to the same belief, I took the high ground and accepted people’s choices. I welcomed human differences and worked with building my character instead of allowing myself to be ruled by prejudice.

The last 3 years of meeting different guys have been an eye opener. It was when I started having conversations with them that I was struck off-handedly of the meltdown of morality.

I was not washing my hands clean. I was swallowed by the same disease, turning me into a person reduced to my sexual nature. Because that’s all there was to offer. Gone were the days when intellect or wit was the selling point. Gone were the days when deep conversations mattered. That period have become just another historical account.

Nowadays, a person is only as good as its individual parts. Image have become the foundation of relationships. You’re categorised based on your body type. Your sexual preferences determine your compatibility with others. There was a trend of downright flaunting of inappropriateness online.

It was an arena I didn’t have the weapons to fight with. I was consumed by my sexual urges that as a result I have transformed into a person far from who I truly was.

The world had surely coped pretty well with technology that, even how we look for love, Google could find the answers to. The existence of online dating apps or websites, although have made love seeking easier, also initiated a different ball game: the casual hookup. This was not a sign of progress. This was simply a case of glamorised digital promiscuity.

The ways we search for love is an ongoing evolution. It will continue to evolve, and we will continue to adapt to it in the coming years. After all, Love wins, right? So even after a million failures, after a million reasons not to, we only need one -sometimes just half reason to love again and again. It is a vicious cycle, I know.

In the name of love, I became desperate. That was my realisation in the last few years of seeking love in this digital world.

Love has been, and I believe will forever be, my mortal enemy. Love is repellent to me. The more I yearn for it, the more it drifts farther away over and over again. The more it drifts away, the more desperation clouds over my judgment.

It is true they say that when we come in contact with love, it is like a disease stripping us of core judgment and values. For some reason, the heart develops a brain-like system within that is capable of overtaking the brain itself. As a result, all our kick-ass intellect goes down the drain, even our vision betrays us.

Then what we transform into becomes ingrained in us that we no longer know the soul that used to occupy our bodies.

Is it worth it? I hope you have the answer, because I don’t.

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